They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Quick, to the slutcave!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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