you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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