Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
