you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
