id be glad to
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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