So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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