you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
