You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
