I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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