someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
