Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
