something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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