he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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