I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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