Well douche your snatch and let's go!
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
