I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
