fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
