believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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