the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Small penises have feelings too.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
