I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
