and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
