I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize