I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
