Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Are my feet made of real feet?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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