I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
