i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
