Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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