I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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