I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
