So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
