I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize