so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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