YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The air was thick with penises
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
