You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
