I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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