Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
