Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
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Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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