I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
