She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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