Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
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I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
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We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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