i need an iv and a liver transplant
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
