My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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