I accidentally burped into my bong.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
