remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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