I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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