You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
