I can tuck mytits in my pants
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Randomize
