my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
What a dumb baby whore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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