Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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