Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
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So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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