Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
