just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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