I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
zippers are such a cool invention
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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