Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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