My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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