what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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