Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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