We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Please, let me fuck your mom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
